Agate does not cry any more.
Agate does not cry any more.
Having lived half-lives, she has understood, that all was in vain.
It was the charming woman, with eyes of colour of a ripe cherry, in
Cloud begun serebritsja hair and with a smile of the child. Adults
Children - only for pleasure smile for various reasons, and. So
She smiled, and nothing could be done with this smile. At
It was two adult children, and all spoke same: you
Has given birth to the son for other day after school final ball, and
The daughter exactly in a year, so? Yes is not present, not so. More than forty to give to it
It was impossible even at the big desire, and actually to it was
Fifty four years, and thus she continued to smile to that
The not adult smile, from which both men, and women
Lost gift to argue coherently. With any treasures like
New boots, with any displays of the taken place career and
It has not been connected by an other life. Its smile arose somewhere on
Tops of trees when there started to sing birds, hid in
Light of colours, rain drops, snowflakes, it appeared together with
Rainbow and gold maple leaves and never disappeared
For ever.
The terrestrial party of her life consisted that on the first course
Institute she has married, has given birth two children, ahead of schedule left from
The academic holiday, has easily received the red diploma and there and then
Has left with the husband and children to Germany. The husband was the chemist, Germans willingly
Printed its articles, have given laboratory, well paid.
It sat at home, was engaged with children, on days off they went for
City also had fun on accurate German picnics with colleagues
The husband and their emancipated wives who piously believed in that,
That hens are born fried, and on trees grow not only
Apples, but also cookies with cinnamon.
Germans very much liked her name - Agate.
They did not understand, that in Russia it sounds mysteriously, as,
As though her called Glitsinija or the Lavender. The son when was
Small, named its Attack.
In ten years they have returned to Moscow.
The husband with enthusiasm did repair behind repair, changed apartment for
The summer residence has then appeared apartment. On a summer residence it was necessary to build a bath,
Arbour to attach a terrace, then the old house have taken down and have begun
To build the new. Children ran on a site with a dog, went on small river,
Fell in love with country acquaintances. She prepared, erased, ironed,
Watered flowers. Leaving on job, the husband absent-mindedly kissed it on a cheek
Also spoke: "At all of us is perfectly in order, yes?" She nodded a head and
Looked after the car which took away it there where to it was not
Places.
"Interestingly, - she thought, walking on wood, - that means it
Its word "order"? If it means, that the bath and an arbour stand
On the places and in a socle have started to build small pool, that
At job at the husband and at school at children very well, that the husband never
Tells to it, than is engaged ("Listen, I wish to play houses
Chess also I do not remember any clever word! "); if children speak
Among themselves in the language, indulgently discuss problems
Badly dressed teachers, hastily eat that she prepares for them, and
Escape there where all has the price, - if it and is an order,
Then yes, she knowingly agrees with the chess player. But that
If the order is something another? ".
And gradually she has understood, that if it suddenly will disappear, will go
On kitchen to make tea and will not return, the husband and will notice not at once,
That it is not present. She has understood, that in this world and in this order
Is present as an unessential adjective. And children -
Well children? It is necessary to pay for happiness of the first years of their life
Patience, infinite patience. Communication is torn. When they studied
To go and held you for a finger, you were the Universe centre. Now
They have nothing with you to speak, and you greedy catch their scraps
Judgements about a life on which they go without you.
"Perhaps I to all of them am uninteresting, - she thought. - Perhaps it
Simply there is nothing with me to speak, because they clever and all
Know, and I simply support fire in the centre, and on it special
Talents it is not required. I - a part of house conditions, with convenient
Armchair do not talk, simply know, that it is ".
And it, at last, has made that wished to make.
The armchair has started talking.
In one perfect sunny day when children were at school, and
The husband at job, it has put on, sprinkled a little by spirits which has presented
The girlfriend - the husband gave for a long time it only useful things, and a marvellous smell
- What advantage of it? - And so, it was sprinkled a little by these
Remarkable spirits, has gone to court and has handed in the statement about
Divorce.
Ah, as it was wonderful, as the husband looked at it, as though
Never it saw, how tried to find words to ask,
What's happened, as it for hands - empty, all empty sufficed, anything
Does not happen, that's it because happens nothing...
He even cried.
No, it has not touched it, it were not those man's tears, which
Through burn the earth. It were tears spoilt karapuza,
At which select a toy which and was not possible to it
To break.
When they have divorced, it has gone to work, and it has appeared, that it
The good teacher also that its English and Italian
Are in demand, that it has not forgot to translate. When it
Has started to give private lessons, long it seemed to it, that on it
Turn around, that it became the dazzling beauty, that it
Can sing and dance and in general everything can, that will want.
But after all and was.
And children have not understood it.
The son in general was going to there was to move to the father, and a daughter since morning to
Evenings cried. But it has appeared, that to the father it is more convenient, that the son lived with
The former wife, and the daughter has got accustomed to mother and should
To recognise, that she has precisely recovered after long illness.
Somehow in the beginning of March the friend has persuaded her to go in
Spain. "Why and really not to go, - she has thought, -
The season yet has not begun, permits inexpensive, and the sun in Spain
Will suffice on all ".
The hotel was called "Aphrodite".
"The goddess of love, - laughed it, - why the goddess of love?"
Yes because once in the evening they have decided to have supper in the hotel
Restaurant, have chosen a little table with a kind on the sun sinking in the sea,
Have reserved a wine bottle and as soon as it has tasted a glass, it
Have invited to dance.
They yet do not send in addition to the hall middle, and she has already understood, that
Something happens. At the person who carefully embraced her for
Waist, there were green eyes and warm, very warm hands.
Do not wish to take a walk on coast?
Certainly, she wanted.
It remembered, how old is she, but then it had no value.
Then in general had nothing values.
In Moscow it has resolved to take herself in hands (again hands, but
Cold), but has not managed. Or simply it was not necessary. The person,
Which to it was presented by the Aphrodite, and went from it on seacoast,
Seagulls shouted, and behind horizon, of course, too there was a sea.
Alexey for eight years was younger, many years have divorced with back
The wife and once a week met the daughter, which, as well as it
Children, already studied at institute and liked to tell histories from
Student's life. Histories were old as the world, Alexey
Retold their Agate, and they together laughed at the youth
In the name of the girl who too had green eyes.
Alexey has appeared the assiduous theatre-goer. They ran behind tickets,
After performance drank somewhere coffee, then not hurrying up went where
Eyes look, then he spoke to it: "Call home, children
Worry ", and she called, though nobody worried. She thought
About it in increasing frequency. And the it became better to it, the it is more
She thought of it.
People who knew her during that time, say, that it as if
All became younger. Has grown thin, has become easy, steel eyes
It is even more, to it there were any clothes as happens only in a youth,
Has learnt to drive the car and to play tennis. All these miracles
Were attributed to Alexey, and, probably, not absolutely in vain.
He admired with it because it always was different, new, and
Still because she so greedy lived, as though could not inhale
Life.
Once they have gone for a city - as always where eyes look.
There were first days of June when almost all was already dismissed, but
The moisture of spring efforts still kept in air. Nearby to
Mozhaisk she has asked to stop it and has started to read "Pure
Monday "." Bunin, apparently, in general cannot be read aloud ",
- He has had time to think of it when it already held in hands very much
The shabby volume with dropping out pages. He is more to think already
Could not, it all was all ears also sight. He listened to it,
Looked at it and revelled in strange pleasure of this midday,
Silent movements of fingers, words which meant more than
Named.
"Strange love!" - I and while water began to boil thought, stood,
Looked in windows. In a room smelt as colours, and it incorporated for
Me with their smell; behind one window in the distance the huge low laid
Picture zarechnoj snezhno-grey Moscow; in another, more to the left, it was visible
Part of the Kremlin... ".
And nobody guessed, that all this time, which to it almost
It was possible to stop, she painfully thought of, why so
The happiness, why any extraneous person has late come to it
Became her husband, the father of its children why this person has trodden
Round it all grass on many kilometres there, to horizon, and
At the same time has erased also horizon why it has allowed to destroy in herself all, that
Has given in to destruction why it was not protected why for years
Has held the breath, why to all of them so it was better, why they, the husband
And children, have not wanted its live, blossoming, shone, why it
It was better with the captive? Why?
It would seem, well for a nonsense? Well was, yes has passed, ordinary
History, unsuccessful marriage; the glory to the Founder, has left in time, and
What wonderful person has met, as it likes, look,
Can, and will get married, children have grown, it is possible to be and for itself...
But any person on light could not present to itself as it is a lot of
It has been ruined and as this ruined was ill. After all there comes hour,
When you definitively understand, that a life - one, that nothing
Will return. And it is intolerably sick. Intolerably.
It has not coped with this pain.
The handful of tablets and to be ill at last has ceased.
There were some writing-books which have been filled in with a life, a little
Photos. And the daughter who tries to tell to someone what
There was her mother, its perfect, not obeyed mother.
All other participants of this ordinary history have consulted and
With it. It is visible, strong people.
No, not agate in eyes at her, -
But all treasures of the East.
There are no delightful beams...
Olga Boguslavskaja.
<$>
//* an information Source: the Moscow member of the Komsomol, 17.03.02
//* Reg. Nom. - 1120300212.35-------------------------------------------
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